Rapunzel FF7 Style
by lily-the-angel
Summary: The FF7 Cast is putting on the Rapunzel Play! I DO NOT own FF7 -_-;;
1. Before The Show

~Before The Show~  
  
  
  
*Don't Own FF7 or Rapunzel. Enjoy!*  
  
  
  
  
  
( Vincent is glaring at the cast who holds their ground)  
  
  
  
Vincent- "I do NOT want to be the Prince!"  
  
Cait Sith- "At least you don't have to play as the witch!"  
  
Vincent- "At least YOU don't have to kiss Yuffie....."  
  
Yuffie- "Hey! I happen to like you so I won't make it sloppy."  
  
Vincent- "..............."  
  
Tifa- "Please Vincent."  
  
Yuffie- "Please Vinny."  
  
( Shera comes in the room. )  
  
Shera- "It's almost time."  
  
All but Vincent- "Ok."  
  
( Shera leaves to help Cid, and Barret while the cast looks at Vincent. )  
  
Vincent- "Fine and Yuffie you make that kiss sloppy I'll leave."  
  
Yuffie- "Ok!"  
  
( Everyone gets ready for Act 1 and takes their proper places on stage. )  
  
  
  
~The Cast~  
  
Cloud- Husband  
  
Tifa- Wife  
  
Cait Sith- Witch  
  
Yuffie- Rapunzel  
  
Vincent- Prince  
  
Red XIII- Voice of Horse  
  
~Helpers~  
  
Cid  
  
Shera  
  
Barret  
  
  
  
*On with the show!* 


	2. The fairy tale of a good girl who had a ...

Yuffie (Rapunzel)  
  
  
  
~Chapter 1- The fairy tale of a good girl who had a bad hair day~  
  
  
  
~Once upon a time a married couple named Tifa and Cloud awaited the birth of their first baby. Sitting around a table waiting for the arrival of this child, they tried and tried to come up with a good name.~  
  
  
  
"And if he's a boy?" asked Tifa (Wife), "what shall we name him?"  
  
  
  
"Let me get back to you on that," said Cloud (Husband). "What shall we name our baby if she's a girl?"  
  
  
  
"Let me think for a moment," said Tifa. She thought for a moment, and then she said, "I forgot the question."  
  
  
  
"What shall we name our baby if she's a girl?" repeated Cloud  
  
  
  
"I've got it!" said Tifa, who was really excited by the originality of her own idea. "If she's a girl, then we shall name her Daughter!"  
  
  
  
"Good name!" exclaimed Cloud.  
  
  
  
"Thank you, Love," said Tifa. "Now, are you ready to get back to me on that?"  
  
  
  
"Ready to get back to you on what, dear?" asked Cloud.  
  
  
  
"Don't you remember?" said Tifa. "I said, 'And if he's a boy, then what shall we name him?' Then you said, 'Let me get back to you on that.' Well, I'm ready for you to get back to me on that."  
  
  
  
"Right," said Cloud. "If he's a boy, we shall name him Son!"  
  
  
  
"Good name!" exclaimed Tifa.  
  
  
  
~While their short-term memories weren't too good anymore, Tifa and Cloud were determined to name their new baby, and to raise him or her in a healthy environment-until, that is, there was this really big crisis.~  
  
  
  
  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED!~ 


	3. Tifa and Cloud have a Crisis

~Chapter 2- Tifa and Cloud have a Crisis~  
  
  
  
This Really Big Crisis: As if under the influence of an evil spell, Tifa got up from her soup and looked out the window, well beyond the safety of her very own backyard. Tifa's backyard and her neighbor's backyard were separated by a fence that rose 50 feet above the ground. But Tifa's window was 51 feet high, which meant that she was able to see over the fence, and to look down upon her neighbor's private satabun garden  
  
  
  
"Hay!" said Cloud, trying to get Tifa's attention  
  
  
  
"Hay is for horses," said Tifa. She might have said just about anything, because her attention was almost totally on the satabun next door.  
  
  
  
"Yo!" said Cloud. "Yo" was a strange word to say, but he'd been saying it often lately because he was trying to invent the very first yo-yo. "Yo," repeated Cloud. "Want to sit back down and finish your soup?"  
  
  
  
This was a good question, but Tifa couldn't answer it now. Why? Because she was holding her breath and turning an entirely different color.  
  
  
  
"Uh oh," thought Cloud, who was alarmed and upset. For one thing, Tifa and he had promised to behave themselves. For another thing, as Tifa held her breath and turned a different color, she reminded him of the spoiled baby prince who threw temper tantrums in the Village Market.  
  
  
  
"Are we pouting, dear?" asked Cloud. He thought he'd be able to tease Tifa out of her curious mood, or whatever it was, and usually he could make her laugh. But now as Tifa's color changed from "entirely different" to positively weird, he realized this was no laughing matter.  
  
  
  
Tifa licked her lips as if she had missed her chicken soup for about two whole days-then she pointed her trembling hand at the satabun!  
  
  
  
"Please, dear," implored Cloud. "Let's have some chicken soup."  
  
  
  
"You know what you can do with your chicken soup!" said Tifa.  
  
  
  
Of course Cloud knew what he could do with his chicken soup. Eat it, right? But he also knew Tifa was in serious trouble, and in need of a reminder. "In case you've forgotten," he said, "chicken is your favorite."  
  
  
  
"Was my favorite," Tifa said. "Now my favorite is satabun!" She batted her eyelashes up and down like tiny fans, the way ladies used to bat their eyelashes when they were intent on getting some serious attention, or whatever, from the gentlemen of their species.  
  
  
  
"Satabun soup?" said Cloud, "that's so funny I forgot to laugh." Actually, he didn't forget to laugh, he decided not to laugh. Laughing in his Tifa's face, especially when it was a positively weird color, would be rude. And there'd already been too much rudeness in their hovel.  
  
  
  
"Of course satabun soup!" hissed Tifa. "After satabun soup, I shall have satabun chips and satabun dips, then satabun fried and satabun dried, followed by satabun roasted and satabun toasted, topped off with sata-"  
  
  
  
Cloud began to suspect the worst. "You didn't go back on our promise, did you, dear?"  
  
  
  
"Promise this!" exclaimed Tifa. "Satabun boiled, satabun broiled, satabun on ice, satabun on rice!"  
  
  
  
Now Cloud more than merely suspected the worst, he knew the worst. The worst, alas, wasn't being spoiled or acting crazy. Wife wasn't bad, she was sick. Wife was ill in the worst way. Indeed, at this very moment, Tifa was displaying early signs of Satabun Fever!  
  
  
  
~To be continued!~ 


	4. Cloud deals with Cait Sith

~Chapter 3- Cloud deals with Cait Sith~  
  
  
  
"Oh, dearest!" cried Cloud. "Where did you get the satabun?"  
  
  
  
"Duh," said Tifa, still pointing over the fence at the satabun garden.  
  
  
  
Cloud was not amused. "Now listen here," he said, "do you know how many croutons I have earned from the sale of all my many inventions?  
  
  
  
"Zero," said Tifa, who was in no mood to discuss business matters.  
  
  
  
"Exactly," said Cloud. "So how did you purchase the satabun?"  
  
  
  
"I didn't have to pay for it," panted Tifa, who was now starting to shake, and to rattle, and to roll on the floor of their modest little hovel. "Woe is me," said Cloud. "That first taste is always free."  
  
  
  
"There's only one cure for satabun fever," said Tifa, who was now sweating like a piggy and looking like death warmed over.  
  
  
  
"Your wish is my command," said Cloud, feeling like the helpless fool-and something of an enabler-that he was.  
  
  
  
"Then I command you!" said Tifa. "Go fetch me that satabun!"  
  
  
  
Cloud dashed to the fence surrounding the satabun. Big fence, big challenge. But not too big for him, of course, because he spent a lot of time chopping wood, fetching pails of water, playing with his yo, and so on.  
  
  
  
Nonetheless, here's where things got a little hairy  
  
  
  
Actually, very hairy  
  
  
  
The neighbor lady who owned the satabun was, no big surprise here, a witch! Not only was she your garden variety witch-wicked, ugly, full of mean spirits, loaded with evil spells, and so on-she was extremely hairy!  
  
  
  
"Nice fence climbing," said Cait Sith with a smile, or actually with a cackle since it was more of a witch kind of thing. "You're buff. I like."  
  
  
  
"You're hairy. I like." said Cloud. "In fact, some of my best friends are hairy."  
  
  
  
"Nice try," said Cait Sith with a smile, which was worse than her cackle because, for the past 500 years, she had missed her checkups with the Village Dentist. "But about the satabun? I don't think so."  
  
  
  
"Please let me have satabun," begged Cloud. "Just a little taste?"  
  
  
  
"That's what they always say," said Cait Sith, examining her fingernails, which for the record were extremely dirty fingernails. "Matter of fact," she continued, "that's what you always used to say."  
  
  
  
Alas, it was true. When it came to satabun, Cloud had been there, done that. But that was then and this was now. And right or wrong, he was on a mission. "Tifa has satabun fever," said Cloud desperately, "and you know what they say about satabun fever."  
  
  
  
"Know what they say about satabun fever?" said Cait Sith. "I wrote the book on satabun fever!" (Note: The Witch also had written the books on Flying Brooms, Warts, and Sylvester Stallone movies.)  
  
  
  
"You are such a witch!" screamed Cloud  
  
  
  
"Tell me something I don't already know," said Cait Sith.  
  
  
  
"Energy equals mass times acceleration," he said.  
  
  
  
"Don't change the subject," said Cait Sith. "How're you fixed for croutons? For five croutons I could see my way clear to giving you two stalks of satabun."  
  
  
  
"I'm broke," said Cloud, "but I can chop wood, fetch pails of water, invent new stuff."  
  
  
  
"Which reminds me," said Cait Sith, "how're you coming along with that 'yo' thing?"  
  
  
  
"Oh, I think I'm about half way there," said Cloud. "How about the satabun?"  
  
  
  
"Boring and redundant," said Cait Sith. "Five croutons, two stalks of satabun. That's the deal. Take it or leave it. I got a broom to catch. "  
  
  
  
"Woe is me," said Cloud, which was like saying "Bummer."  
  
  
  
Suddenly Cait Sith had a change of heart. Actually, she didn't have a change of heart-she's a witch, right?-but she did have a change of plan. "So, and how's the little wife?"  
  
  
  
"We're going to have a baby," said Cloud. "Or at least we were!"  
  
  
  
"A baby!" exclaimed Cait Sith, as if she were really and truly surprised. "You mean one of those tiny creatures that gurgles, sniffles, burps, says funny words, drinks everything possible and spits up?"  
  
  
  
"That's the general idea," said Cloud.  
  
  
  
"I'll tell you the general idea, Buff Boy," said Cait Sith. "You give me the baby, free and clear, and I give you the satabun. What do you say?"  
  
  
  
"What if I say no?" said Cloud. "What if I just say NO?"  
  
  
  
"Then I say no problem," said Cait Sith. "No problem for me!"  
  
  
  
"Why don't you get wed?" said Cloud. "And then you can have your very own baby."  
  
  
  
"Check it out," she said, leaning forward. "This face, do you see this face attracting a lot of knights in shining armor?"  
  
  
  
"But this was going to be our very first baby!" sobbed Cloud.  
  
  
  
"You'll have more babies," said Cait Sith. "Take my word for it."  
  
  
  
"Your word?" he said. "Why should I take the word of a witch?"  
  
  
  
"Good point," said Cait Sith. "Take this magic potion-a mix of love and respect-and you two can have all the babies you want. All the other babies, that is. We have a deal or what?"  
  
  
  
"What about the satabun?" said Cloud.  
  
  
  
"I'll give you something better than satabun," promised Cait Sith, and she meant it too. "Give me the baby, and I'll remove the temptation. No lie. From this moment onward, for as long as you both shall live, Wife will never want satabun. Never. Not ever.  
  
  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED~ 


	5. Cait Sith gets Yuffie

~Chapter 4- Cait Sith gets Yuffie~  
  
  
  
Cait Sith had made an offer too good to refuse. Released from her terrible curse, Tifa got well, and she stayed well. As time went on, Tifa and Cloud had 26 children, so many they almost had to go live in a shoe. However, in his spare time Cloud finally managed to finish inventing the yo-yo, so they had enough croutons to buy a really huge beachfront hovel. In the meantime, because she had planned it all along, Cait Sith took possession of their firstborn, and named her "Yuffie." Today, of course, "Yuffie" is an old- fashioned name; but back in the olden days (when they were still the present days), all the hip witches were naming their stolen or otherwise ill-gotten stepdaughters "Yuffie." Anyway, as soon as Yuffie was in her clutches, Cait Sith raised her fence one foot, to 52 feet tall, which made it impossible for anyone to see the baby. It was also impossible for the baby to see anyone other than Cait Sith. And by the time Yuffie was 15 years old, she still hadn't seen anyone else.  
  
  
  
Nonetheless, young Yuffie had a pretty good life-or as good a life as one can expect to have when one's stepmother is an absolute witch. But nobody's perfect, and in certain ways. Cait Sith was better than your typical fairy tale stepmother. For one thing, she made darn certain Yuffie stayed off the satabun. For another thing, Cait Sith not only gave the girl many good books, she encouraged her to sit down and actually read them. Obviously, then, Yuffie was becoming one smart biscuit!  
  
  
  
Here it gets a little hairy again  
  
  
  
Actually, very hairy again, but in a different way.  
  
  
  
Yuffie had the most beautiful-and longest-hair in the entire kingdom. And the girl's hair, like the knowledge she gained from reading, continued to grow and grow. Eventually all those book smarts, plus all that beautiful and especially well-conditioned hair, made Yuffie quite a prize on the open marriage market. And that fact caused some very big trouble  
  
  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED!~ 


	6. Cait Sith Gets Suspicious

~Chapter 5- Cait Sith Gets Suspicious~  
  
  
  
Some Very Big Trouble: One afternoon, as was her habit, Yuffie was reading a good book and brushing her hair. Things were fine, business as usual- until Cait Sith walked in (and did so without knocking first)!  
  
  
  
"What's up?" asked Cait Sith, making herself as comfortable as possible on the girl's tiny, scratchy, bug-infested bed of broom straws.  
  
  
  
"The usual, Mother," said Yuffie. "Reading and brushing."  
  
  
  
"Reading about what, child?" Cait Sith asked rather casually.  
  
  
  
"The usual, Mother," said Yuffie, "science and mathematics."  
  
  
  
"Science and mathematics?" said Cait Sith. "Nothing biological?"  
  
  
  
"Am I missing something here?" asked Yuffie (as if this poor girl hadn't like been missing almost everything there since birth).  
  
  
  
"Boys!" said Cait Sith  
  
  
  
"Boys?" said Yuffie. Because this was the very first time she had even said this word, it sounded sort of like bays or boos.  
  
  
  
"Boys! Teenage boys!" screamed Cait Sith. "Sniffling, burping, saying funny words, drinking everything possible and spitting up-teenage boys! You get the illustration?"  
  
  
  
Of course, Yuffie did get the illustration. Although she never had seen a boy, she had seen illustrations of boys in her anatomy textbooks.  
  
  
  
"What are you suggesting, Mother?" asked Yuffie.  
  
  
  
"Oh, nothing much," said Cait Sith, "I mean, nothing much other than, the very first chance you get, you'll leave me to run off and get married to a prince. Or a frog. Maybe some kinda clown, or-"  
  
  
  
"-No, Mother," protested Yuffie, on the verge of serious tears because her feelings were really, really hurt. She even began to sniffle.  
  
  
  
Cait Sith offered a hankie but-remember those extremely dirty fingernails?- Yuffie politely declined. And then she said: "I've never even seen a real boy. Even had I seen one, you know that I would never run off and get married! After all, I'm only 15 years old and far too smart to do anything so stupid. Don't you understand?"  
  
  
  
"Hey, what's not to understand? Pack up all your dresses."  
  
  
  
"All?" said Yuffie. "But Mother, I have only one dress."  
  
  
  
"Whatever," said Cait Sith.  
  
  
  
"You are such a mother!" said Yuffie.  
  
  
  
"Thank you, dear," cackled Cait Sith. "Now get packing."  
  
  
  
And so it came to pass that within five minutes, max, the beautiful young damsel was locked away in a tall tower deep in The King's Forest.  
  
  
  
Yuffie's room was sort of like a penthouse-only this penthouse didn't have an elevator, much less stairs leading up to it. Once inside-if, that is, one somehow got inside-a visitor would see nothing other than the girl's scratchy straw bed and a hook on the wall near the window. That was it, for unlike penthouses or even basement apartments of today, the room didn't have any phones, radios, fax machines-not even a computer! Electronic communicating devices were nowhere to be found there partly because they hadn't been invented, but mostly because Cait Sith didn't want Yuffie to spend all her time-or any of her time-talking to boys.  
  
  
  
But Yuffie didn't care about boys. She cared about making her new room as cool as possible. First, she added a goldfish bowl, and to the bowl she added some fresh water. "Mother," Yuffie said at last, "Now that I have a goldfish bowl and fresh water, may I have a goldfish?"  
  
  
  
"No," said Cait Sith, and that was final. Which meant that the girl's only link to the outside world was her hair. For example, when Cait Sith wanted to bring clean underwear or whatever, she'd yell up toward the tower's window, "Yuffie, Yuffie, let down your hair!"  
  
  
  
This was a good plan, but it didn't work the first time. Yuffie's room was so high up she couldn't hear exactly what Cait Sith said way down on the ground below. Therefore, that first time, Yuffie thought that Cait Sith had yelled, "Yuffie, Yuffie, let down your ear!"  
  
  
  
But it worked the second time, and often thereafter. Cait Sith would yell, "Yuffie, Yuffie, let down your hair!" Yuffie would unfasten her hair, wrap some of it to the wall hook (so she wasn't pulled out the window) and drop the rest to the ground. Using the girl's hair as a ladder, Cait Sith would scale the tower and enter the window. Then she would give a lecture on the importance of math and science, or the dangers of boys and men. Here is a typical lecture:  
  
  
  
"Climb right in, Mother," said Yuffie. "You are fine, I trust?"  
  
  
  
"You're the fine one, child," said Cait Sith. "And I trust nobody on earth!"  
  
  
  
"Not to fear, Mother," said Yuffie. "When it comes to any sort of boy or man, I am entirely lacking in interest, romantic or otherwise."  
  
  
  
"You wouldn't fib to me, would you?" asked Cait Sith warily.  
  
  
  
"No, Mother," said Yuffie, "no, no, a thousand times no."  
  
  
  
"That's good," warned Cait Sith. "Because if you ever fib to me, I'll do something so fast it'll make your head swim!"  
  
  
  
Yuffie didn't have to worry about her head swimming-whatever that meant- because what she said was true that first year when she was only 15 years old. It was also true the second year, the third year, the fourth year, the fifth, and the sixth year, when Yuffie was 21 years old, old enough to vote or whatever. Or at least it would've been true then, had not a handsome young prince become quite lost in her neck of the woods.  
  
  
  
Vincent blamed his steed, a mare, for their being lost in this neck of the woods. "It's all your fault," said Vincent. "If you're smart enough to talk, you ought to be smart enough to get us back to the castle."  
  
  
  
"Look," said his horse (Red XIII's Voice), who by this point was not only lathered up, he was at the end of his rope. "We have an arrangement here: I gallop and you steer. You see what I mean?"  
  
  
  
Vincent did see what he meant because, in addition to excellent clothes as befitted the son of The King, he had excellent eyesight. And now Vincent's excellent eyesight enabled him to see Yuffie way up there at her window. Without excellent eyesight, Vincent might've mistaken Yuffie for a tiny hairy thumb or something. But with excellent eyesight, he could see her for what she really was-the most beautiful damsel he'd ever set his eyesight on! And of course he could even read her lips, which were now flapping about an interesting math problem. Needless to say, he was very impressed- as well as instantly and totally in serious love.  
  
  
  
"Wow! Brains! And beauty, too," said Vincent. "Holy grail, what a crumpet!"  
  
  
  
"Thank you very much," said his steed. "You really are too kind."  
  
  
  
"Clown!" said Vincent  
  
  
  
"Clown?" snorted the horse. "Oh, yeah? Well, look who's talking!"  
  
  
  
This turned into one of those moments that can upset kids' tummys and make their cheeks feel hot. Vincent and his horse were only trying to be funny, but they had hurt each other's feelings. So they were itching for a fight and, if looks could kill, they would've keeled right over on the spot. But looks really can't kill and, besides, they were best friends. So when Vincent remembered what was important, he extended his hand. "Friends?" said Vincent.  
  
  
  
"Friends," said the mare, extending his hoof.  
  
  
  
They shook hands-or hooves-and immediately felt all better.  
  
  
  
"Good," said Vincent, and it was good. (It's always good to stay friends with your horse, especially when you have a very long walk home.)  
  
  
  
Vincent and his still-best friend stood around a few minutes, just feeling warm inside-until they heard a strange and frightening sound. The sound was strange because it sounded like claws scampering on sand, and the sound was frightening enough to make them duck for cover.  
  
  
  
Safely concealed in the bushes, Vincent and his mare watched Cait Sith approach the tower, and then yell upward.  
  
  
  
"Yuffie, Yuffie, let down your hair!"  
  
  
  
"Did she say ear?" whispered the horse.  
  
  
  
"Hush," whispered Vincent. "Let's watch what happens next."  
  
  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED!~ 


	7. Intermission

~Intermission~  
  
(Cloud and the Gang are standing around sipping water and re-doing their make-up before the show continues. )  
  
Yuffie- "Cait Sith you ARE funny as a woman."  
  
Cait Sith- "Geez don't bring THAT up."  
  
Vincent- "At least YOUR not some messed up Prince who seems to be on something..."  
  
Tifa- "Good Point."  
  
Cloud-"Yea, and me and Tifa was already Yuffie's messed up parents."  
  
Cait Sith-"Heh, at least I don't have to kiss Yuffie."  
  
Vincent- ".................Witch."  
  
( Chaos starts to bust out laughing in Vincent's head. Vincent rolls his eyes thinking "Shut up Chaos." )  
  
Yuffie- "Oh boy here we go again."  
  
Red XIII- "We should enjoy this since we are together."  
  
Cloud- "Red is right."  
  
Tifa- "I agree."  
  
( Cid comes walking in the room looking at the cast still smoking a cig. )  
  
Cid- "Get your skiny a$$es on that stage. It's almost show time."  
  
( Cid walks out as everyone sighs then takes their places as the scene begins. ) 


	8. Chapter 6- Cait Sith climbs Yuffie's hai...

~Chapter 6- Cait Sith climbs Yuffie's hair~  
  
  
  
What happened next: Yuffie unfastened her hair, wrapped some of it to the wall hook, and dropped the rest of her hair to the ground. Using the girl's hair as a ladder, Cait Sith scaled the tall tower and entered the penthouse through the window. (Of course, Vincent couldn't hear Cait Sith as she began her daily lecture about the evils of boys and men.)  
  
  
  
"Cool," said the mare as Cait Sith climbed in. "Whatcha think?"  
  
  
  
"Good question," said Vincent. "I think I must come up with a really smart two-part plan."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~  
  
  
  
~Chapter 7- Vincent Watches~  
  
  
  
Part One of  
  
Vincent's  
  
Really Excellent  
  
two-part plan  
  
  
  
Day after day, Vincent hid in the bushes and watched Cai Sith approach. Cait Sith walked like a sand crab that had been in the sun too long without a hat. It was not a pretty sight. Though Vincent never had been to the beach, soon he was able to zigzag up to the tower exactly like Cait Sith.  
  
  
  
Part Two of  
  
Vincent's  
  
Really Excellent Two-Part Plan  
  
  
  
Night after night, Vincent (who did visit the Castle Dentist on a regular basis) smiled perfectly into his looking glass and said: "Hi, what's your symbol?"  
  
His mare, who was permitted to live in the castle as long he kept quiet, shook his mane from side to side.  
  
  
  
"When you're right, you're right," said Vincent, nodding up and down.  
  
Then he tried out a new line: "Speaking of symbols, I happen to be close personal friends with a troubadour formerly known as Prince. Now his name is...no, that's too lame."  
  
  
  
"Hay!" said the steed, which was all right because hay is for horses.  
  
"I'm not talking about you being lame," said Vincent. "I'm talking about my introductory remarks. In order to make friends with the brainy damsel in the tower, I shall need an excellent introductory remark."  
  
  
  
Using his horse sense, the mare suggested what, in his opinion, was a good one: "Hello there. You look very nice. Want to be my friend?"  
  
  
  
"Easy for you to say," said Vincent, and it was easy for the mare to say, for he read good books and therefore had a first-rate vocabulary.  
  
  
  
"Maybe I should just tell her the truth," said Vincent.  
  
  
  
"A refreshing alternative," said the horse.  
  
  
  
"OK, I'll tell her I have excellent clothes, as befits the son of the King," said Vincent.  
  
"Excellent eyesight, piles of croutons and job security-or at least I would have job security if I had a job-clover-sweet breath, and the best profile in the kingdom. Am I leaving anything out?"  
  
"Modesty," said the mare, laughing to himself the way horses sometimes do.  
  
Able at last to walk that walk and talk that talk-and sure he had a really clever introductory remark-Vincent was ready to carry out his excellent two- part plan.  
  
  
  
  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED!~ 


	9. Chapter 8- Vincent meets Yuffie & Chapte...

~Chapter 8- Vincent meets Yuffie~  
  
  
  
So that very night, Vincent chomped a sweet-breath clover, zigzagged to the tower and, in a voice that sounded just as awful as Cait Sith's, he yelled: "Yuffie, Yuffie, let down your hair!"  
  
Up in the tower, Yuffie heard that familiar refrain and thought, Oh well, I suppose I'm due for another lecture, even though for the life of me I can't imagine why. Then Yuffie threw down her hair as a ladder.  
  
Vincent climbed up Yuffie's hair, and stood speechless before her. Yuffie was also speechless, partly because he was handsome, partly because he smiled perfectly, partly because he looked at her as if she were the most beautiful damsel he'd ever seen-but mostly because she'd never even seen a real man, nor even a real boy, much less a real man/boy prince.  
  
"Come here often?" asked Vincent.  
  
  
  
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~Chapter 9- Vincent courts the beauty~  
  
  
  
Come here often. Three little words, that's all it took. Never mind that he was so young and handsome. Forget that he wore excellent clothes, which befitted the son of a King and suggested a huge hoard of croutons. Come here often had to be the most clever opening line since the Big Bang. Suffice it to say, Yuffie was very impressed, and totally in love.  
  
"Your turn," said Vincent.  
  
"My turn?" asked Yuffie, for she was new to the courting scene.  
  
"Your turn to offer an introductory remark!" explained Vincent.  
  
"Read any good books lately?" ventured Yuffie. She went with that line because it seemed like a good thing to say at the time. It also just happened to be the first-and only-line that came to Yuffie's mind.  
  
"Only way cool and double excellent!" exclaimed Vincent, who was so keen on impressing Yuffie with his verbal skills that he promptly took over the conversation.  
  
Yuffie didn't mind because: (1) The Prince had taken over the conversation in a most polite manner; (2) she wasn't paying the least bit of attention to the awfully sweet stupid things he said; (3) she was batting her eyelashes the way females used to bat their eyelashes when they were intent on getting serious attention, or whatever, from the males of their species.  
  
Eventually Vincent had seen just about enough of all this eyelash-batting business-so he popped the question. "Well," he asked, "will you?"  
  
"Will I what, sire?" said Yuffie. "Take your time, but I think it only fair to warn you. Whatever the question is, the answer is yes."  
  
"Will you please marry me and live happily ever after?" he asked.  
  
Yuffie weighed her options-Hmmmm, the wicked old witch versus handsome young prince-for all of about five seconds. "This castle of yours, does it have good books? Shakespeare, Newton, Plato, Spillane."  
  
"All the books you can read, you silly precious dearest darling," said Vincent. "And after a proper amount of time, all the books our children can read as well."  
  
"So it's settled then," said Yuffie. "You're pretty, I'm smart, and we're officially engaged. But we have a serious problem."  
  
"Never you mind about The Witch. True love is stronger than-"  
  
"-Of course true love is stronger than evil spells," said Yuffie, who had read Vincent's mind rather than rudely interrupting. "My hair is the problem."  
  
"Your hair?" said Vincent, who couldn't see the forest for the tease. "But your hair is so beautiful, so well conditioned, so much like a really good ladder."  
  
"My point exactly," she said, "how can I climb down my own hair?"  
  
He tried to picture Yuffie climbing down her own hair. It was impossible to picture.  
  
"Oh, well, win some, lose some," said Vincent "You are, alas, stuck up here in this horrible penthouse tower forever. Or maybe longer."  
  
"Not necessarily, my precious prince," said Yuffie, "because I've got an excellent fifteen-part plan."  
  
"I don't know," said Vincent, his face suddenly featuring a whole bunch of frown lines. "I had a tough time with a two-part plan."  
  
For a moment Yuffie thought she might've been better off kissing a frog. "Not to worry," she said, "it's only a one-part plan, done 15 times."  
  
"Huh?" said Vincent, a statement that established who going to be the brains in that family.  
  
"Come visit me 15 more times," said Yuffie. "And every time you visit, bring a big ball of silk thread, real strong thread. Think you can manage that, pet?"  
  
"Silk thread?" said Vincent. "But why? Do you want to weave a spider's web?"  
  
"Not a spider's web, hunkster," said Yuffie. "I'll weave the silk into a rope ladder!"  
  
"You are soooo smart!" said Vincent, leaning over for a little kiss.  
  
Gently but firmly, she pushed him away. "We'll have plenty of time for that," she said. "After we're legally wed. And have a baby or two."  
  
Thus so it came to pass that, with increasing eagerness, Vincent visited Yuffie 14 nights in a row. Some nights he brought flowers, some nights he brought candy, one night he brought a scroll from The Publishers' Clearing House-but the most important thing he brought was silk, for by the end of a fortnight Yuffie had woven it into a long silk rope ladder.  
  
"One more visit," said Vincent, "and this tower shall be history."  
  
"Meantime," said Yuffie, "I believe I shall kiss you good-bye!"  
  
And she did it, too! Right then and there Yuffie planted a really big and sweet kiss on Vincent, smack on his mouth to be precise, even though at this point officially they were still only engaged.  
  
"Good night, sweet Vincent," Yuffie called to Vincent as he departed energetically.  
  
"Back at ya!" said he, bounding off into the woods, doing handstands, making faces and in general acting like a young man experiencing the initial symptoms of being in undying love.  
  
You sweet, sensitive, extremely athletic-type Prince Charming, thought Yuffie as she prepared to weave that final ball of silk into the mother of all rope ladders. Then she heard the familiar refrain:  
  
"Yuffie, Yuffie, let down your hair!"  
  
Well, thought Yuffie, if Vincent thinks I am going to give him a second kiss-he's right! She dashed to the window, and let her hair drop. Someone climbed through the window, but this someone (and you can bet your bottom crouton on this) was definitely no Prince Charming.  
  
"I was just wondering, child," said Cait Sith, panting from the climb and looking even hairer than usual. "Is there a circus in the village?"  
  
"I don't believe so," said Yuffie, trying to conceal her happiness, her fear, her 75-foot silk rope ladder. "Nope, haven't heard of any circus coming to the village. Why do you ask?"  
  
"I just saw some clown doing handstands," said Cait Sith. "That clown, I don't suppose he was visiting you?"  
  
"Not to fear, Mother," said Yuffie. "I have no interest in boys, men or clowns. And I especially lack interest in any handsome young princes who ride talking horses."  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED!~ 


	10. Cait Sith throws Yuffie out the window

~Chapter 10- Cait Sith throws Yuffie out the window~  
  
  
  
Ride talking horses! Three little words, three too many. Before she knew what was happening, her head was swimming in the goldfish bowl!  
  
  
  
After several awkward moments, Cait Sith permitted Yuffie to remove her head and to dry her hair. Apparently that took too long because soon she said, "Ever hear the expression, 'I'm having a bad hair day?'"  
  
"I haven't heard the expression, Mother" said Yuffie, "but of course I've read it often."  
  
"How about no hair day?" said Cait Sith as, moving as fast as a sand crab, she took out her pair of satabun-pruning scissors—and chopped off all of Yuffie's beautiful hair! Then, as that weren't violent enough, Cait Sith picked up Yuffie and tossed her through the window!  
  
"After all I've done for you, you ungrateful little ingrate," yelled Cait Sith as the girl hit the ground with a thump! Then in an even meaner voice, Cait Sith added, "Don't ever come back!"  
  
Trying to hold back her tears, poor, dear, totally bald Yuffie picked herself up and limped off into the darkness...  
  
By the next evening Cait Sith regretted what she had done, but not very much. Besides, she had Yuffie's hair—and a sneaky one-part plan:  
  
"Yuffie, Yuffie, let down your hair!" cried Vincent.  
  
"Payback time, sucker," said Cait Sith to herself as she dropped her discarded stepdaughter's hair to the ground.  
  
"Holy grail, have you changed!" said Vincent as he climbed through the window and set eyes on Cait Sith. "Bad hair is one thing," he added without a hint of rudness, "but all those nose hairs are ridiculous!"  
  
Under different circumstances—another time, another place, another fairy tale—they might've become friends. But the circumstances weren't different here. This was business as usual, more of the same and even worse.  
  
"En garde!" challenged Cait Sith, zigzagging forward and raising her filthy fingernails like dirty daggers.  
  
"Better be careful," he warned, "you could put a person's eyes out."  
  
"Duh," said Cait Sith. Then she poked her fingernails in his eyes!  
  
"My eyesight!" he cried, "What's become of my excellent eyesight?"  
  
"The question," said Cait Sith, "is what's become of your broom?"  
  
Then she tossed him out the window!  
  
"Yeeeeeeooow," cried Vincent, until, that is, he hit the ground.  
  
"Next time you're in these parts," cackled Cait Sith, who was so mean that she loved adding insult to injury, "why not look me up!"  
  
"Not funny," said the poor dear totally blind prince as he picked himself up, dusted himself off, and walked into a tree. "Not one bit funny."  
  
The next few years were, in a word, a real bummer. OK, that's three words, but you get the general idea. Things were worse for Vincent than they were for Yuffie, because, while her hair returned, the same thing couldn't be said for his vision. However, most fairytales conclude with a very happy ending and a really good moral. And this one's no exception.  
  
  
  
~TO BE CONTINUED!~ 


	11. Chapter 11- A Happy Ending & Moral of th...

~Chapter 11- A Happy Ending~  
  
  
  
A Very Happy Ending: One fine day, soon after he'd polished off his lunch of thorny twigs and icky bugs, the standard bill of fare for poor blind wretches in the forest, Vincent happened to stumble into fair Yuffie. He didn't recognize her because for the past five years he hadn't recognized, or even seen, squat. At the same time, Yuffie hadn't seen Vincent because, as usual, she'd had her nose stuck in her only book.  
  
"Come here often?" said Yuffie, batting her eyelashes up and down like- well, by now you know how and why she batted her eyelashes.  
  
"Dare thee make mock of me!" cried Vincent, who felt the breeze but couldn't see the source of this sudden attack of eyelash-batting. He'd lost his castle-or at least he couldn't find it-but he hadn't lost his manly pride, his sense of nobility, his really excellent clothes.  
  
"Read any good books lately?" asked Yuffie, still impressed and even more in love.  
  
"Yuffie?" cried Vincent, "Yuffie, could that really be you?"  
  
"Well, it really could be Cinderella," said Yuffie, still sassy after all these years.  
  
Vincent was as happy as could be! However, rather than sweep Yuffie up into his arms, and pucker up for a big sweet kiss, he threw himself to the forest floor, and cried like a babe in the woods.  
  
"Was it something I said?" asked Yuffie.  
  
"You don't understand," cried Vincent. "I have never cried!"  
  
"Never?" challenged Yuffie.  
  
"OK, I have cried," said Vincent, "but not since my old temper-tantrum-days in the Village Market-and all this crying makes me feel. . ."  
  
"Childish?" offered Yuffie. "How about blubbering and wet?" She wasn't rude, exactly, she merely hated to see a grown man cry.  
  
"How about liberated and insightful!" cried Vincent.  
  
"I don't get it," said Yuffie, which suggests that girls and women can be just as clueless as boys and men.  
  
"Permit me to explain," said Vincent. "First off, my excellent eyesight has returned!"  
  
"My dream has come true," said Yuffie, "but I still don't get it."  
  
"OK," said Vincent. "Maybe this didn't mean too much at first glance, but do you recall that Witch had like really dirty fingernails?"  
  
"Yes," said Yuffie, "I remember as if it were only five years ago."  
  
"Her fingernails, that's the rub!" exclaimed Vincent. "The Witch didn't really blind me, she just put fingernail dirt into my eyes, and -"  
  
"-the tears!" interjected Yuffie. "Those manly tears washed the dirt from your eyes!"  
  
"Yes, you silly precious bookworm," said Vincent. "And made me liberated and insightful. Liberated because I'm free, insightful because I finally see what went down!"  
  
"I'm a happy camper in these woods," she said. "One happy-"  
  
"Then maybe a sweet little kiss would be in order?" said Vincent.  
  
"Of course," said Yuffie, "but we'll have lots of time for all that later."  
  
And , being the best and the brightest, they had lots of time for all that later. If you must have the details, here they are: Yuffie and Vincent kissed & stuff and got married-though necessarily not in that order.  
  
ALMOST THE END  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~  
  
Moral of the Story  
  
  
  
A Really Good Moral: If people offer you some satabun, just say "No!" And then, just to be on the safe side, run so fast it'll make their heads swim!  
  
  
  
~THE END~  
  
  
  
*I HAD to put some chapters together since my word pad was being a brat! Anywho, I know this was kinda stupid but i thought it was good. :D * 


	12. After the Play!

~After the Play!~  
  
  
  
  
  
( Everyone was bowing as the crowd cheers. The Cast let the helpers bow as well since it wouldn't have been possible without them. After the crowd left the Gang decided to go party since this was their first play ever. The gang except Vincent and Yuffie was on the dance floor.While Yuffie was trying to get Vincent to dance with her. Vincent finally gives in as Yuffie "Yays" some and leads him to the floor. Right when they stepped on the floor the music changes to some slow song so of course everyone dances slowly. Vincent looks down at Yuffie as she looks up at him. )  
  
Vincent- "Sorry about earlier."  
  
Yuffie- "Its ok. No harm done. I told you I wasn't gonna give you a sloppy kiss. Gwad I don't think I could kiss that sloppy."  
  
( Vincent chuckles as he felt Yuffie shiver some at the thought. )  
  
Vincent- "I'm more than glad that you didn't give me a sloppy kiss."  
  
Yuffie- "Ditto. That would have been awful."  
  
Tifa- "This play was fun...."  
  
Cloud- "But?"  
  
Tifa- "We played morons. I loved the play of course."  
  
Cloud- "At least I didn't have to dress up like a woman again unlike Cait Sith."  
  
Tifa- "Heh."  
  
Cait Sith- "Hey! I heard that spiky!"  
  
Barret- "Fool be glad you're outta that costume."  
  
Cait Sith- "Good point."  
  
Red XIII- "Heh be happy this was only a one time deal."  
  
Cloud- "Yea."  
  
Cait Sith- "THANK YOU GODS!"  
  
( The Gang laughs a bit as the song comes to an end. Cloud, Cid and Vincent dips their partner at the same time kissing each other softly on their lips.......Even Vincent gives Yuffie a kiss. Promising the whole night of fun and laughter from this night and for the rest of their lives. )  
  
  
  
  
  
THE END!  
  
  
  
  
  
*Now Its offically the end. ^_^ I hope you enjoyed this story. Sometime I'll get another Story out if you have any suggestions about a story I would be happy to hear from you! I like Final Fantasy 7,8,9, and Resident Evil 1-CV, Parasite Eve 1&2. So just E-mail me and I will be happy to answer back! Have a wonderful Night and hope to see you some time soon!~ From Lily* 


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